Swedish Bhairavi Says “ Why We Teach..”

Why we teach? A question I let linger, making me think about the choices that have led to this moment.

First of all ”technically”, because some years ago Mahayogi Ashutosh Nath Ji was given Kaula Dandadhiikar by the head of Kaulantak Peeth, meaning he should teach the tradition, initiate eligible seekers connected to the lineage and carry forward the sacred transmission of knowledge.

What I want to express here though is a more ”softer”, personal yet universal reason as to why and how we teach and why we are available to sing the tune of Siddhas.

One of the first things that come to mind in regards to why we teach is that I ”brought down” Bhairav Ji, Mahayogi Ashutosh Nath Ji, down from the Himalayas. This perhaps is also one of the biggest debts in my life. Even though I know it unfolded under the leela and gaze of a MahaSiddha who loves us both.

It is complex to describe. The story is long, filled with love from all around, obstacles and even inauspicious signs along the way.

Bhairav ji’s life before me was something rare, natural, pure and extraordinary. From birth to young child to adult turned into Yogi in the Himalayas. Anyone who has come in contact with him knows what I am speaking of. There is heart and an ancient truth in his presence.

Fast forwarding in the story. I hiked up the mountains alone, my breath ragged, my body sluggish from a year spent in Sweden working at a women's shelter to pay off my student loans. I had the need of becoming more ”free” before I returned to India again. Like a complete loony tune, I carried with me a rather heavy, sacred book of mantras of our tradition, giving me strength and courage to follow the last words of direct advice that I had gotten at that time; that my future was with Ashutosh Bhairav Ji.

So I went on my quest, to find him again and if nothing else, to meet his Guru and pay my utmost respects. I had no idea what it would entail nor how I would get there but I carried gifts with me. Among them, an axe from Sweden, which, in my mind, seemed quite appropriate in case his Guru would want to chop my head off for coming and "distracting" his student. Part of me almost wished for that outcome. What a beautiful death, and by an axe I had gifted myself! Imaginations ran high.

I will not reveal here about my time in the mountains with them both. Love and melancholy intertwined. One of the most profound times of my existence, beyond words.

Time passed. Time came back, disappeared, resurfaced and life unfolded into this present moment.

In other words, we have been through a lot.

One can say that because of my incompletion, Bhairav Ji had to come down from Himalaya, sacrificing many beautiful worlds to appear in my world, so that I could rise from here. And now, to the fortune of others, with blessings of the tradition, this means that he is here in the ”west”, available to connect with those who seek.

It has taken me a long time to strip away the unnecessary, to gather myself from a scattered being into focus. I have been given more grace than I can fathom by Bhairav Ji and by the tradition itself, for grave mistakes, for transgressions, for tendencies that were neither aligned nor worthy.

Writing this, I wonder if I would be able to have the same patience and compassion if new practitioners were to behave towards me as I have behaved in both ignorance and sometimes mal intent.

This is a part of why I try to communicate, to write and create, so that you can learn from my mistakes. Let them serve as guidance for those who are worthy to shine bright.

I am grateful that I am still given the chance to do this work. I only hope that I can fulfill what is needed before the time of death. Because nothing is guaranteed or permanent in the physical world.

Guru Seva and Rishi Rin:

We have three different Rin, debts in this life; to parents who are our first gurus, to Pitris our ancestors and to Gurus. Rishi Rin, the debt to the great seers, ensures that wisdom continues to flow from Guru to disciple, unbroken through time. Guru Seva is an act of devotion and service to the Guru, an offering that clears karmic debts and deepens one's connection to the lineage.

It is through service, devotion and sadhana practice that one begins to clear these debts and walk the path.

I have been told and experienced many things regarding MahaYogi Ashutosh Nath Ji, layers upon layers of his being, which I will not reveal here. But what I can say is this; it is in his nature to teach, a Rishi of this time. Whether I was here or not, whether I was part of this or not, he would have found a way to connect and transmit the knowledge. It is inevitable.

Someone once commented about us being a couple. Sure, in some realities we are a couple. But a more accurate description is Bhairav and Bhairavi. Two beings walking the path together. "Renunciates with benefits," if you will. But in reality, it is what I mentioned above, Guru Seva, working through karma and using each other for Tantra practices and creative expressions. And in the future, there may be different constellations of this, depending on the form of Tantra practiced.

There is also always the possibility that it will all dissolve into nothing. That I will be gone. That he will go. That we will both vanish together. If we feel our work is done. Because in all frankness, who actually wants to deal with people? Who wants to constantly mix with all sorts of energies, engaging and giving time and effort, only to watch people drift away onto their next impulse, their next distraction? We flow with what is in front of us.

This is why we try to keep ourselves independent, self-sustaining. So that we don’t have to adjust our teachings negatively, never have to water them down to please the masses. So that we retain the freedom to say "fuck off" if needed. That is the Dam. That is the Bham. That is the nature of Bhairav, Bhairavi and Daak, Dakini within us.

And yet, we try. We stay for a while. We offer the teachings. We see who comes and in what intent. I try to cultivate patience, compassion and Sambhava to be able to meet others in grace.

This is why I tell you, do not limit your understanding of Bhairav and the Siddhas to my experience only. See it as a force, from wherever you yourself are. Do not look at this path through the narrow lens of one teacher, one Bhairavi, one moment in time.

Bhairav Tattva exists beyond all of us.

We teach because the wisdom of the Siddhas is not meant to be hoarded but to be passed down with reverence. We teach out of respect for the great ones before us. We teach for the grace given and for those yet to come who have not yet found their way to Siddhas.

We will see who rises and who remains in their distractions, that choice is yours. Nothing in this world remains available forever.

May you all be in grace.

With Love,
Swedish Bhairavi